Howdy folks,
How’s 2012 been treating y’all so far? Have to say that other than a random moment here and there, this year has been fantastic. Continue reading »
Jan 102012
Sven
Dec 292011
Lucy, I am HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you believe this freaking year is over? WTF happened? I swear it was only yesterday I was in my thirties…young, desirable to advertisers, a demographic that mattered. Now I am in my 40’s, my IPAD is dead and I am hitting gay middle age.
Dec 222011
Miss us?
We missed you. Well some of you more than others, but we missed you nonetheless. I know it has been a while since y’all last heard from me. After George came back from England this last month, we just needed to be together and quiet. There is a time and place for everything in life and this was the time to be spent healing and putting life and things in focus.
Rest assured, we are doing well. I’ll never cease to be amazed at the power of time and how it puts things in a better, clearer perspective as the days roll on. The Week in Review will return and will shift locations to Dallas in a few months. We are very excited about the move. We have friends in Dallas (Ruth, Lydia) George has cousins and his sister nearby and it seems a better fit for us city wise. The weather is more existent and we’ll be near a major travel hub which is a good thing when you like to travel the way we do!
Enough about that for now, more about that for later!
I have never been really big on the holidays. I don’t have any particular “special” memories about Christmas growing up (we did presents on December 5th, St. Nicholas day) and Christmas in Los Angeles was usually spent alone as most of my friends went home. There are the times I went to Michael’s family, those were special. Have them make me feel at home, like I had a home AND a family is a beautiful memory to have.
And now I have my own family with George. The tree didn’t make it up this year, but we promised that it will be featured next year PROMINENTLY in our new place.
So here is what Christmas means to me, today. It is a time to reflect on the year behind us, the good, the bad and the ugly. I look to see if I lived up to my own expectations, was I the person I set out to be 12 months ago. I look at the people in my life who are special. And I count my good fortune. Because as hard as things were, as rough as things got, we are fortunate. At the end of the day, we have each other and we have you. We have a roof over our head, food in our kitchen and money in the bank. And we are wiser, closer and stronger because of it all….
If we are to believe the Mayans, this will be our last Christmas here on earth. If so, remember to pick up your layaway early next year.
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or whatever other SPIRITUAL event this time of year: reflect on where you’ve been this past year, ponder on where you want to go this coming year and try to live up to your own best ideals. Other than that, love and be loved.
Life’s precious and short. Remember that most of all.
Pass the eggnog,
Sven
Dec 022011
You know I was watching some bad afternoon TV yesterday when I heard one of my favorite expressions: “Perception is reality.” I just love that term because it is so true. Understanding and appreciating that concept has helped me out a lot in my life.
Nov 202011
What? What do you want from me? It’s been so long since I’ve written I don’t really know where I am at anymore. Throw in the fact that the holidays are now upon us and you got yourself a first rate something.
So there. By the way, what does that even mean? “They are upon us.” I keep looking up in the sky expecting some damn stuffed bird to land “upon” me at any moment.
Ah Thanksgiving. Oh joy of joys. Festival of food and giving thanks. What do we have to be thankful for this year? Where do we start?
For starters, I am THANKFUL that this bloody summer is OVER. Now that it has officially cooled down to a manageable 80 degrees I can breathe again AND wear underwear while wearing shorts. I couldn’t do that in the midst of summer. One piece of clothing was all I could manage during our record trial run of hell and since people tend to frown when you go grocery shopping in briefs, I wore shorts and nothing else.
What else we got. I am thankful that George is home, with me. We are together in perfect harmony. Side by side we are the perfect pair and precious little things can get to us.
And yes, for as fucked up as it all was I am THANKFUL this little debacle happened now and not in January. Because THAT would have been a real stinking mess, with no house here, no car left we would have been really up a creek. So again: timing is everything.
The sense of maliciousness in what has happened is pretty hard to avoid in all this but I had this revelation a few days ago: I remembered something that the lovely Victoria Principal once said to Oprah Winfrey. She was reflecting on growing older and her look on life. She said that one of the good things about getting older is that you know what to do when bad things happen. At this point most of the stuff that happens you have already encountered in your life so now, the second time around, you have a point of reference. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
You see, THEIR mistake is that they choose to pull this nonsense on us, me and George. And as it happens, George and I have been through some severe and heavy duty stuff in our lifetimes. (They didn’t know this, ha!) So we have a point of comparison from which to draw. We have the ability to say: “Really? This is what you choose to do? Do you know who you are dealing with?”
To quote Joan Crawford: “Don’t fuck with us fellows. This ain’t our first time at the rodeo!”
I am thankful that while our armor may have gotten dented, it still holds firm. Our dreams and ideals still shine and we will continue to move forward in our goal to live our best life possible.
Those are a lot of things to be grateful for. I am grateful that Rick Perry decided to join the race because now the country can see what a baboon he is. So thankful for that.
But most of all I am thankful for the fact that while all this nonsense was happening you were all right there for me. You were there for us. Without doubt, without hesitation you let us know we could lean on you. And for that we are both so thankful.
Thanksgiving 2011 will be spent with good friends making great new memories.
We are thankful for all that has happened this year. All of us continue to grow and learn from every moment we spend PRESENT in this life.
To quote my father: be thankful shit stinks. How else would you know it wasn’t chocolate!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sven
Nov 012011
Well,
Let’s see if I can muster up the enthusiasm about the rest of our trip. Heaven knows these last 10 days have been trying. You know it’s bad when I crave snowballs, ding dongs AND wine.
After our time in Paris we were off to London. Continue reading »
Oct 282011
When I was a teenager, I had but one goal, one prize in mind: to move to Los Angeles. When I turned 20 I landed that prize and my life has never been the same again. Eyes on the prize people!
During my twenties I searched and aimed to find a sense of belonging, a purpose. Because of my HIV and through my writing I found my purpose, I discovered who I was. Again I had my eye on the prize.
The only thing I wanted in my thirties was to find my one true love, a partner, a soul mate. Because of the first two prizes, my path lead me to George and our lives have never been the same. Eyes on the prize.
And then, as I turned 40, together we set our eyes on a new prize: to experience life in Europe. An amazing opportunity to teach about relationships, a converted barn, England all seemed to be part of that prize.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (insert screeching brake noise here)
George will most likely be home by next Friday. Job is gone, barn handed back and life in England is over before it ever even started for me…. What happened to the prize?
Maybe we had our eyes on the wrong prize.
For now George knows first-hand what it takes to move to a foreign country. The trials and tribulations involved with having to learn a new culture, customs and language all by yourself. He has a better and clearer understanding of what my first years in the US were like. And as such we have a better understanding of each other. There is value in that, there is HUGE value in that. It is a prize.
More than anything else, these last couple of months have taught us that NOTHING is worth being separated for. No job, no amount of money, no nothing can offset the agony we felt from being apart. We belong together. We need to be together. THAT is our prize. Period End. And it is a huge prize. A prize worth more than any of the other ones combined, yet only achieved because of that exact combination of all the others.
It always pays to have your eyes on the prize.
Just remember, that sometime the prize you see in sight ultimately may not be the prize you win.
Just a thought.
My name is Sven
Oct 222011
It is written that relationships in our lives are often a reflection, a mirror, of ourselves.
What we see in others is a reflection of qualities, good and bad, we have within ourselves.With that thought in mind, I must be doing something right in my life for when I look at George I see compassion, love, passion and trust.Qualities I hope I reflect back to him.The same holds true for most of my relationships in my life: I work hard to embody the qualities that I seek and need in others.
Like a mirror, reflective.
Then what is it within me that makes me react the way I do whenever George has a medical/health issue?Why do I get flustered, reactive, anxious, helpless and at times even resentful?What does that say of me?
What is reflected in all of that that lays within me…..
What is reflected is my HIV and my one big fear in life: to become sick.To get sick and become a burden on George.What is reflected is my fear of what that could mean for both of us.I hate it, I have no concept around it and it frustrates the shit out of me. I have joked with George about the fact that even though he is a lot older than me it balances out with my HIV.A joke based on such a true statement:we both have the same fears coming from different angles.
There is no need to rescue me with words of comfort, I know all the rational and logical arguments you will state.Fear is neither rational nor logical, this one precipitated itself because I am about to leave the comforts of one healthcare system and venture into one new and unknown to me.
Interesting realization though: for all the incredible healing that has taken place in my life because of HIV, I sometimes forget that it is the one thing which cannot be healed itself.
It almost slipped out of my sight, until I saw my own reflection in the mirror….
My name is Sven
Oct 182011
Lucy, I am HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did y’all miss me? I missed you…really I did. I arrived back in Texas this past Friday after a 3 week tour of Europe. Now I know what Cher feels like on her tours…NOT.
What an amazing 3 weeks. Where do I start? Continue reading »
Sep 202011
The plane the plane the plane!
THE PLANE is leaving for PARIS tomorrow! I am packed, washed, prepared and good to go! My plane takes off at 11 am and 12 “short” hours later I’ll be hugging my man at CDG airport.
We will spend a week in Paris, celebrate my 40th birthday and then take the train to London. A week in London to see friends we made online, sightseeing and George gets to show me our new home! After that one more week in Plymouth with our friend Ann and I fly back, solo, on October 14th.
The laptop is staying at home, I’ll have George’s old IPhone to use hopefully so I can at least post pictures on Facebook but more than anything these next three weeks are for me and George. In other words: I’ll be silent on the internet!
I wish you all well, stay out of trouble and the next time you’ll hear from me will be in October!
Bonjour!
Sven