Thought of the Week » My Name Is Sven

a Thought about Being Calm

Aug 122011

Our lives are in completely upheaval. Everything we thought we knew has been turned upside down. There is one “unknown” factor after another. One question following another and no answer in sight. There are to-do lists, legal matters, health issues, travel logistics, separation issues and scheduling options.

I should be a wreck, I should be a nervous ninny, a basket case, I should be pulling my hair out and running around the house screaming.

But I am not. I am calm.

WTH? CALM?

I am calm. Because I know today that for every situation there is a conclusion. For every question an answer, for every dilemma a choice and for all the schedules and planning there is an order. I am calm because none of this comes from negativity, anger, darkness or pain or sadness. ALL of it comes from Abundance, Love, Excitement, and Positivity.

I know that the Universe NEVER gives you anything you are either not ready for or cannot handle. How do I know that? Look at all the stuff we’ve already gone through…we handled that and we didn’t even ASK for that. We WANTED this.

When you understand that this is what you wanted, this is what you asked for. When you understand that the Universe only gives you what you can handle. When you know that the combination of the two can only lead to good, you understand that you only have to be calm.

I am calm.

Even though on the surface the thought of being away from George for all this time is going to be absolute torture, I mean we’re joined at the hip practically, so I have to see George off to England before our trip to Europe, which would mean I have to fly by myself while he meets me in Paris; I have to remember to cancel his airline ticket so we don’t lose the credit, almost forgot; I have to pack up the house, get all of it shipped to England while I stay behind in an empty house with just the guest bed and the two dogs, the dogs! The dogs cannot go until after the new year when UK guidelines ease up, but from what I understand I can only schedule them on cargo with a two week lead time so then how do I schedule my flight cause I cannot leave until the dogs are gone but that doesn’t give me a lot of time to book a ticket, meanwhile I have to apply for a reentry permit so I will not abandon my green card, at some point I have to hand the car back in and terminate the lease, then I have to rent another car, lock up the house, move the dogs, drive up to Dallas, ship the dogs and get myself there; I have to all this while George is in England, by himself getting used to a new job, new culture, new society, new driving things, new everything he has to get a car, find a house, open a bank account, making sure all of our prescriptions are filled and transferable, don’t get me wrong I am all excited and happy but this is a huge step and when I look at all the details there just seems to be so much of them and how is all of it going to fall into place and oh there are the holidays, haven’t even thought about them and and and and and and.

*DEEP BREATH*

I am calm.

What a thought!

a Thought about Honesty

Thought of the Week 1 Response »

Aug 052011

YOU ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH. JUST BE SURE TO HAVE A HOBBY CAUSE IT WILL GET LONELY. Sven05:14

Most of us proclaim to “insist” on honesty and “the truth.” Yet it seems that when we are given just that: “the truth,” we freak out and react. We do.

I aim and try to live a life that is based on that: truth and honesty. When I went through my lawsuit with my old employer, I not once doubted I would be victorious. Even when those around me said otherwise and doubted, I knew that what I had on my side was TRUTH and HONESTY. It will always come out, it will always beat deceit. And it did.

My relationship with George is the way it is because of the same principles: truth and honesty. No lies, no deceit and no secrets.

There are many virtuous reasons as to why you should be honest and truthful. I like to think that I have those same virtuous reasons, along with a very simple one: it is so much work to remember the lie, and I have lost too many brain cells to drugs for me to keep track that well. So I rather don’t even try. I rather just tell you that you really should wear a bra with that outfit…..

Now, with that said, you may want to have a fall back hobby when aiming to be truthful. Many of those around us don’t want to hear the truth, see it and let alone deal with it. They love the drama of avoiding, of living the lie and walking along the river of denial. When you are honest with them, you might want to prepare for unanswered phone calls, rude txt messages and complete avoidance. Honesty can get very lonely.

But in time and with continued valiant effort you will attract those people into your life who have the same philosophy. In time, I don’t know how much time but you must have patience grasshopper! In time you will come to reap the benefits of a life lived honestly.

Until you see those rewards, may I suggest crossword puzzles?

5 across: “No Legacy is so rich as honesty”

Answer: William Shakespeare.

Just a thought.

a Thought about Sunblock

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Jul 292011

The one thing that I try to do each day, each moment, is to stay aware and stay present. Not present and aware of watching traffic while driving, but aware and present to who I am RIGHT NOW.

It’s not that easy sometimes. We allow so much of our psychic energies to be diverted to things that happened in the past; that are happening now, and things that we have absolutely no control over. If we obsess on the past we don’t have to deal with the here and now. If we focus on the drama, we avert dealing with our truth and if we just negate the possibility of a future then I don’t have to live TODAY. We all do it. In fact, it is hard not to.

As a result we are left with no energy for ourselves and who we are NOW.

So I try to make it a point each day to check in with myself and see where I stand. I go through a proverbial checklist. “Am I obsessing over anything in the past? Why? It is done, it only has power because I give it power. Stop it. Check.” “ What about the now? Am I feeding into any drama that takes away from being a better person? Refocus! Check.” “ What about the future? Do I negate anything good happening because I keep coming up with reasons why it WON’T work? Stop it. Check.”

Early in the morning, AFTER I have had my coffee!, I go through my check list and make sure I am present. I make sure I am aware. I do that because I believe we are all made up of energy. And if you make sure that you do not let energy leak into things that DO NOT MATTER, you can direct it into this amazingly BRIGHT shining light that becomes your life.

Try it. Go through your own list. The past is done: fuck it. What about today: what event/drama can you step out off RIGHT NOW? The future: instead of coming up with excuses as to why the good things will NOT work out, come up with arguments as to why it WILL!.

Just try it and try it like you mean it!

You might be surprised how much BRIGHTER and more ENERGIZED you will start to feel.

My affirmation this week read: “Some days, when I look on the bright side of life, I have to put on sunglasses. This looks like it’s going to be one of those days.”

For 1 week, say this every morning and see what happens.

You might just need to start wearing sunblock!

Just a thought.

a Thought about validation

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Jul 222011

There is a philosophy that says that everybody has the same basic need: to be validated. We all want to be heard and we all want to know we matter.

I believe that the problem starts when we look to OTHERS to hear us and tell us we matter. I believe we need to validate, hear and matter to ourselves first. Speaking only for me, I know that I have spent the majority of my early life trying to live up to, what I thought were other people’s expectations of me. I operated under the assumption that if I were to be such and such then in return my father, my mother, my friends, my boss, my whoever would say I mattered. Somebody else would then validate me.

There are 256 pages of why THAT philosophy did not quite work out for me.

It is the precise moment when I STOPPED looking for outside validation that I started to matter. I started to matter to myself. When I stopped trying to live up to what I thought people expected of me and instead listened and learned what it really was I was expecting from MYSELF, my life started coming together.

Now, I am not talking in that “pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you’re okay” kinda validation. No. I am talking about really going within yourself and finding out what YOU expect of YOU. When you learn and live your own self truth, THAT is when you realize you are validated, you are heard and you matter.

So the next time the sales lady runs your credit card and you start to sweat waiting for the machine to say “APPROVED” remember: you should have already approved YOURSELF.

That is ALL that matters.

Just a thought.

a Thought about TP

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Jul 152011

I have said it before and I’ll say it again: on this journey through life there will be rest stops, pit stops, and truck stops. Whichever one you find yourself at, it behooves you to have toilet paper on hand.

Why? Because sooner or later you are going to have to clean up shit. Seriously. No matter how blessed the life, we all encounter shit. Does NOT matter if it is your own shit or somebody else’s, good or bad, old or new: there will be shit to deal with.

THAT my friends is a FACT. Now, how you choose to deal with it, THAT is a CHOICE.

It is up to YOU to decide how it is going to affect your life. You can wallow in it (gross), get deterred, derailed, frustrated or aggravated by it. It can overwhelm you and sometimes you can even step in it without knowing. OR, you can wipe it up, and move right along with your life. It is up to you. Personally, I tend to look at whatever pile of BS I encounter as really good fertilizer. And good fertilizer will make you GROW strong.

So the next time you find yourself dealing with….THAT stuff, just look at it as the perfect boost to make you grow!

Just a thought.

Sven

a Thought about Love

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Jul 082011

You believe in True Love? In Love at First Sight? I do, always have. I always have even if I didn’t always have the experience to back it up. And therein laid the problem, and the doubt. Since I had to conjure up what all that would be like, my perceptions were way skewed.

From childhood, to an early relationship to some dating sagas, my “perception” of what love would be was off. WAY off. And when I saw people who claimed to be in love, I would judge. And I would do so without any real experience, just this “concept.” Damn was I a fool! Not to mention a Jackass.

And then I drove to Oxnard on that fateful night….and everything I had ever known or claimed to know changed. His name is George.

There is not one fiber in my body that doubts George is the first man, the only man whom I truly love. It is him who made my concepts and illusion of love shatter and replaced them with something so much BIGGER and BRIGHTER and BETTER than I ever could have imagined. George made me understand that until then all I had had was puppy love, not the real thing.

And because of him I have learned that love is many things, many shapes, many emotions. Now, now that I actually am IN love, I can see it around me when others are. Boy, what I fool I once was to have judged so harshly.

Love and spirituality are so closely tied together. Each of them hard to define yet they are both extensions of each other. There is no list long enough to describe either one for the pure unadulterated fact that they are endless.

You know those cartoons that say “LOVE IS….”? Well, “LOVE IS EVERYTHING!” And without it…there is very little.

Just a thought…..

Sven

a Thought about Equality

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Jul 012011

New York has voted in favor of gay marriage. Amazing. A TRUE mark of progress. Yet I don’t get it. What are we supposed to do? Visit each State and get married in all 6, Civil Unions in 8 others…and do what? Go to Congress eventually and say “I have 51% covered, gimme the rest?”

It would be like having a separate driver’s license for each state but it would only be valid in that state. It makes no sense. FOR ME. I want to get married HERE and know that it is covered EVERYWHERE.

President Obama’ feels that the issue of gay marriage is for the States to decide. Personally, I think that is the biggest cop out I have heard to date. Because I am so glad we followed THAT route when it came to civil rights in the 1960’s. How different HIS world would have been if we had let each State decide for themselves on segregation and civil rights for African Americans. For the love of HUMANITY, are you KIDDING me????

Let the States decide? We didn’t do that with civil rights for African Americans. We didn’t do it for abortion, we didn’t do it for women’s rights, not for religious freedom, not for slavery, but we are going to do it for the LGBT community. Wow. Last time I checked: black, white, yellow, gay, straight, Catholic, Mormon, man, woman and child we are still ALL created EQUAL. At least that is what it says in the Declaration of Independence. Something we will be celebrating this weekend.

Of course I come from a country where they decriminalized homosexuality in 1811 and ALL can get married since 2001. Thereby following a tradition that started in 27 BC with the FIRST same sex marriage during the ROMAN EMPIRE. So you see, homosexuals have been around longer than Americans, even since before CHRIST! I am just saying. Maybe y’all should respect your elders…like us.

Let the States decide…jeez. I say we all move to Hawaii, declare it GAY and then succeed from the Union!

Just a thought…

A thought about HIV

Thought of the Week, Week In Review 1 Response »

Jun 242011

· Why is that I can go to a bar, declare I have syphilis and watch them run, yet I can declare that I am HIV+ and get a dozen phone numbers. How come I can walk up to any gay man in the western civilized world and identify myself merely by the status of “positive” or “negative” and know we both are talking about the same thing: HIV.

HIV has become so much bigger than its actual virus, it has indeed become a social identity for many.It has as such become a “status” symbol, sought after by many who feel ostracized and shunned.And I can’t help but think that not until we fully UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT and REALIZE the complete life altering and all-consuming disease HIV is, will we make progress in reducing the numbers of newly infected.I can’t help but wonder if perhaps we weregiven our rightful identity as EQUAL and COMPLETE citizens, then the need for some to acquire THIS identity will vanish.

Just a thought…..

A thought about perkiness

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Jun 172011

The one question I hear the most? “Are you always perky like this?” And the answer is yes, I am. I tend to be perky, happy and upbeat all the time. And the reason for it is really very simple. You see, I know my baseline for when things are bad.

My baseline is sitting on the bathroom floor with a syringe up my arm: that is what my despair feels like. Baseline is eating Kibbles and Bits: because I know what my hunger feels like. It is being told that you should either a) never have been born, b) be dead c) soon die or d) just go away, that is what my true loneliness feels like. THAT is my baseline. And when you know your baseline you can measure your life. When I am at any one of those points, THEN life is bad Right now, today and for the past several years my life has been so much better than my baseline.

So what if I have to wait 20 minutes at Starbucks, at least I can afford to go there. So what if I have to pay another doctor’s bill, at least now I am taking care of myself. So what if it is 100 degree heat for yet another week? At least I have a house to go to with an A/C to turn on. So what if I live in Texas, YES TEXAS, at least I am with my one true love and with him I could live anywhere. Not to mention I have friends everywhere, EVEN in Texas. So what??? Honestly, don’t matter what pile is in front of me, it is nothing to the piles I left behind me years ago. Compared to all that, life today is A-mazing.

Today, life is good. And it is good for so many of us. I just wish more people would see that.

When you realize your life is GOOD today with what you have TODAY, how can you be anything other than perky?

Just a thought.

A thought about walking…

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Jun 072011

Now, I have had a decent amount of crap happen in my lifetime.Not all of it good, some of it bad, some really bad, some REALLY bad.But I like to think that all that is behind me.It should as I am facing forward looking at my future…(just picture the image…FACING forward)Yet there are people who seem to walk forward backwards.They are so fixated on what has happened, on the past, on what they missed, lost, never had, wanted, etc etc, that they are walking backwards.(Again…try to picture the visual)

And while they are doing so they are completely missing EVERYTHING that is in front of them: friends, opportunities, relationships, adventures, ROMANCE, even something as simple as the start of a new day, a glorious sunrise…

I wonder if they ever truly realize that by walking backwards and always focusing on the sunset rather than the sunrise, they always end up walking in the dark…..

Just a thought…

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